I have a lot of opinions on modesty….

I kind of agree with this video…

he’s telling the truth in order to understand modesty you have to understand how boys think but thats as far as it should go the rest should be between you and God. A girl should not moderate how she dresses to make boy “comfortable” around her. Lust towards a woman is a heart issue! Meaning a boy can lust regardless of what a girl is wearing. Its too much of a burden especially for a girl like me to feel like I have to dress to make someone else feel comfortable.

If God approves of what I’m wearing and i honestly feel comfortable in the clothes then who cares. If a girl walks in front of a boy and she is basically wearing nothing if he is respectful he will look down or look away while at the same time not judging her. Jesus never told people in the bible to go fix themselves and then maybe he will be kind and give them grace.

I used to be that girl who felt like I needed to dress extremely modest because God forbid I make someone uncomfortable. One day I was introduced to this new world of modesty and boys, I listened to a lot of sermons read a lot and I basically became a modesty pharisee. Judging myself and other girls and how people should dress but God was very gracious with me and he has given me a lot of wisdom along the way.

I think modesty is a two way street it really is for both the sexes. Lets get one thing out of the way, if someone does not know Jesus meaning they are not even a christian, you can’t hold them up to any christian standards also if someone just became a christian they need a lot of grace because they are still learning.

As for the rest of us who read the bible and call ourselves disciples of Jesus we all need to be humble, gracious and forgiving to one another. People really don’t like being told what to do and yes that includes me too! But if you think about it modesty is almost always 99% of the time blamed on women by christians.

Christian boys can I have a word with you please?

Do me a favor next time you judge a girl for not being modest enough why don’t you check your heart, remembering that lust is a heart issue, you can lust regardless of what a girl is wearing. So please don’t go around objectifying girls at church saying how uncomfortable they make you. If you are around christian girl who dressed in a way that makes you uncomfortable either stay away, lovingly confront them and or go to Jesus and ask him what to do because its not like he won’t understand. Don’t be a coward! And just think “oh well they should know better than to dress like that around us boys don’t they (girls)  know we are physical creatures!”

If you’ve ever thought that I’ll give you a moment to repent…….. if not….. you are a weak pathetic excuse of a so called christian “brother”  And boys do me a favor STOP calling non christian girls sluts and other unmentionable names, they don’t have the same standards as you and should not be held up to them.

Girls? a word?

Since when did tights become pants? if tights were pants they would be called pants!! please stop. I digress….

Honestly girls…. christian or not you can wear whatever you want to wear, you shouldn’t feel like you have to cover your body head to toe then you can be around christian men. Never forget real lust is a heart issue that cannot be fixed by telling girls what to wear. Sure you can fix the outside but the inside is what God cares about. So ask yourself one thing “Am i trying to fix a problem for someone else that only they can fix?”

Christian girls as we grow in our walk we should learn about boys and not pretend to be so ignorant sometimes. I honestly feel sorry for boys sometimes especially christian ones who are trying to be “pure.” Its really hard because anything can trigger a boy and thats something to be sensitive about. I think sometimes they get frustrated because sure they want to be around christian girls but its hard if there is no distinguishing factor between the way a christian girl dresses and they way a non christian girl dresses.

The way boys feel also has to do with their upbringing which may or may not have been legalistic. So a lot of grace has to be given to boys who approach modesty from a legalistic point of view, after all they weren’t born judging girls that way

Girls.. (and I’m talking to the serious disciples here not the pretend sunday christian and weekly atheist)

if you love your christian brothers think about what its like to be them, and consider how you dress. Its one thing to wear something you like and it makes you comfortable but its another thing to wear something stylish and pretend you’re comfortable while constantly adjusting your clothes….. hmmmm.

The most important thing is to talk to God about what he thinks of the way you dress because his opinion matters the most.

And girls? Please don’t judge other girls especially non christian girls its not your place.

Purity and modesty takes  team effort not just telling girls to dress a certain way

Check out this website it shows how boys think about a lot of things its really interesting

I HIghly recommend reading this 

And this 

And this Post

Okay one more Post

And a short sermon



Don’t waste your singleness


Boys perspective

This always makes me smile

The Gospel and Singleness

From the series “Lies We Believe About Sex, Singleness & Marriage”


In the 1900s man woman relationships were centered around the family houses were even built so the family could be invloved

In the 1920s urbanization afforded young people to do things apart from their family, social outlets opened up the ability for sexual promiscuity

In the 50s Alfred Kinsey (pervert) used science as an excuse to practice sexual deviances. He set the way our public school teaches sex education. Hugh Hefner gave him a million dollars to conduct “research.” They have shaped much of the knowledge we have of sex today.

Fast forward to now where girls can buy the morning after pill at the drug store.

A pharmacist decided to do the drug profile of girls who buy the morning after pill. He has found that first they get the morning after pill then a couple of months later they get birth control, a couple of months later they get anti depressants, then a couple of months later they get weight control pills and then it just goes in to a plethora of medication they are getting to cope with sexual promiscuity.

We live in a culture that has gone sexually insane, as a single person if you look to your culture to get information you will not be taught well

Sexual temptation does not go away when you get married it can get worse because now you can imagine even better and you know how things work.

Dear God part 2

I wrote Dear God part 1 yesterday.

Since then God showed up not physically of course 😀  but this morning when I went to church the pastor was like “I know some of you need to make some important decisions and you want to hear from the lord, you want to know his will..” I’m paraphrasing but Im sure that was God humoring me.

The pastor never really elaborated on things, he went off on a tangent so I stopped listening and started reading posts on tumblr with my phone.

I read so many things that encouraged me so in a way God spoke to me through all those people. I learned so much and I feel really peaceful right now so I know it was God

Truth be told I still don’t know Gods will on where I should work BUT thats okay everything is going to be ok because God love me thats why I know Gods will whatever it is it’s going to come to pass so I can trust him .

Who knows I’ll probably be feeling like this  a week from now but I don’t care because I know God will show up and speak to me in another way and put peace in my heart.

So in a way God answered me that he loves me and everything is going to be ok : )

I’ve learned to question myself a lot so I ask myself how do I really know this is God?

In this situation I know  its God because I feel really peaceful and I don’t feel like I have to perform any works and then everything will be ok. It just is…

Gods spirit makes you feel peaceful and assures  you are God’s child.

A spirit that is not of God is one that makes you feel anxious, like you need to perform some sort of work, it makes you doubt that you are really in Gods family, make you feel like Gods is angry with you, makes you dwell on the past…

So God,

if you are reading thank you.

than you for being the best father a girl could ask for, thank you for letting Jesus come and die for my sins so I can talk to you like this. Its an actual privilege that i rarely acknowledge. Thank you for putting your Holy spirit in a sinful human like me.

thank you for putting peace in my heart so I can get through the day. I trust you to do it tomorrow and the day after that

Thank you for giving me wisdom please don’t stop I want more

Thank you for my wonderful life and family

Thanks father 😀

Dear God

What do you want from me?

I’ve been avoiding writing this post for a really long time, I still don’t want to………..

But here goes……

I’ve been trying to discern the will of God in my life and its been really hard 😦

I don’t mean when God tells you to do something and you pretend not to hear or ignore him. I mean  God isn’t telling me what to do, all I can confidently say i’ve heard from the Holy Spirit is to trust God and wait.

Trust God and wait? Why

I’ve always thought i’m sort of a patient person but I’m clearly not, I like to control the situation and know what is going to happen next. At this point I don’t know what is going to happen next in my life and it’s bothered me for months now

(I’m trying not to cry right now.. i don’t even cry but these days …)

I can’t really name a point in my life where i’ve really wanted to do what God wanted or waited. I’ve had opportunities in the past to go along with Gods plans but i chose my own plans instead and I was really unhappy later on.

At this point I want to know what Gods plans are but he’s making me wait and I really hate it…..

So whats keeping me from just taking control of the situation?

If there is anything past experiences have taught me is that I should always listen and go along with God because he knows everything. This also shows up in the bible when people try to take control of situations and help God out. it always ends badly. So I’m in the same situation I could help God out and have the situation end badly or I could trust God and just wait… I can intervene or I can just back off.

Its sounds so easy when I write it down “just trust God” but its not! the action of having faith in God is kind of hard right now….

So maybe I should illustrate. I am a very private person I don’t share things with people at all, Sharing things on this blog is a huge step for me. Despite the fact that I’m anonymous no one knows who i am I’m still anxious about sharing things in my personal life. Thats why i’m being very abstract about my situation.

But i guess I’ll share

I’ve been home for a month now trying to not find a job. Yes i said it I’ve been trying to NOT find a job. You see I’ve been trying to get a job at a hospital for a position that will remain unnamed. Anyways I feel very strongly that this is what GOd wants me to do, my application has remained lifeless and I haven’t received any calls for interviews. I applied for so many positions but I was never pick for any of the until 2 weeks ago. I went online to check if i’d been rejected as usual but this time it said my application had been sent to the hiring manager for review.

that sounds like good news right? I guess… I knew God was involved I mean he wanted me to work there right? I thought the hospital would call me any moment for an interview. But guess what, they still haven’t! And my status online is still the same. This has left me with a lot of questions.

The first one is does Gods really want me to work there and if he does why is he making it so hard why doesn’t he speed up the process. If God was involved wouldn’t i have the job by now?

Did I make this whole thing up or is some demon punking me. Do I even talk to God or have I never really talked to him?

Thats why at the beginning I ask God what do you want from me?

Because the truth is I can apply for another job and get it end of story I don’t have to wait for this one! But I’m afraid, I’m afraid of messing up like I usually do when I don’t  wait on God, Im afraid of being unhappy and outside of Gods will.

All I want to do is make God happy for once in my life, I want to go along with his plan even though it doesn’t seem to make any sense. I want to wait because in the bible if people would have waited things would have turned out fine, if people would have obeyed God we might still be living in eden.

If God is not in this, i’ll be really sad

So God if you’re reading this can you have some mercy, grace and patience with me.

I’m just a human theres a lot of things I don’t understand.

Im blind theres a lot of things I don’t see,

I’m really forgetful.

You’re the first person to see me when i wake up yet you’re the last thing on my mind. Im sorry

Be patient with me send me a sign, if you sent one already send me another one please be patient with me father

Im just a little confused

What do you want from me?

Life sucks right now

“ Tests and trials will come. Know that they are opportunities for you to grow.” You can become more steadfast and mature. You can rejoice, not in the circumstance but in the Lord, who will change you through the circumstance to become more like Jesus. Do you get that?”

James Part 1

I’ve come to the conclusion that I should post sermons I listen to because I love listening to different sermons but after I do I eventually forget what I heard.

So i’m going to post sermons I like and what I learned. Starting with this sermon about the book of James.

This sermon is by Pastor Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill church


The most worshiped man in the history of the world is Jesus Christ.If Jesus had any faults, failures, or flaws, his family would be the one to know and his family would be the one to tell. They were there for years of his life before he was public, before he was famous, before he was well-known. They knew him the most and they saw him in the years when no one else observed him.

So James Jesus’s brother is the senior leader in the church when the book of James is written. He’s a teacher, a preacher, and a writer, and he has authority over a whole network of churches.

James is believed to be one of the first books written in the New Testament, and at that point, a lot of the Christians were Jewish, though later many Gentiles would join christianity. And today, of the few billion people on earth who worship Jesus, the majority of us are Gentiles, not Jews. But at this point, the majority of them were, in fact, Jewish.

That’s who he’s writing to, and he is writing as a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ.

In three titles, James tells us who Jesus is. He’s the Lord who saves us and was chosen by God the Holy Spirit to be empowered for a life that was perfect and without sin, that we might be saved through him.

James says that he is Jesus servant but why does he not say that he is his brother?

Number one, he didn’t need to. If you were Jesus’ brother, everybody knew that. You didn’t have to put that on your résumé. “I’m James.”

Number two, there’s a lot of guys named James in the New Testament, and they’ll say, “James, son of this guy,” or “James, son of that guy,” to denote who it is. Any time it just says “James,” this guy’s so well-known, he doesn’t need any additional information.

Thirdly, to say he was Jesus’ brother could give the impression that he was proud, and here he wants to follow in his brother’s example of humility. So, he doesn’t say, “I’m Jesus’ brother”; he says, “I’m Jesus’ servant. When he was on earth, yeah, maybe we shared bunk beds together, but now that he’s exalted in heaven, he’s Lord over me, and I’m servant under him.”

Jesus  family is not with him consistently, but they’re with him intermittently. Just like if you’ve grown up and left home, your family’s not there every day like when you lived in the same house, but they do intersect your life at strategic points.

Truth be told they thought Jesus was crazy but whats important is to understand that christianity was founded on the claim that Jesus is God but his family didn’t originally believe it. They were concerned about it, they even tried to have an intervention with him.

Jesus was respected except by his family. Its like trying to teach your parent or siblings something and they don’t listen to you. It was lonely for Jesus and he didn’t have the support of his family for a long time.

Sometimes your family are the last people to see you for who you’ve become. because who you’ve become is tainted by who you were. Sometimes families can be complicated and discouraging, there is a lot of humanity in his family. They are not just walking around pretending to agree they have doubts like most people do about Jesus.

For those of you that are Christians, the book of James is written largely to religious people who know a lot but they don’t do a lot.

And he’s trying to move them from conviction to action, from belief to behavior.

My question to you would be: what is Jesus commanding you to do?

What is his will for you this year?

What’s on the to do list from Jesus for your life starting right now?


Beauty And Body Image

For some strange reason girls when they reach a certain age they quickly find flaws with their bodies

I really like this video because its so true especially the poem at the end. I’ve been guilty of telling myself I need to look a little better improve a little . These are good things but they are often taken to an extreme in our culture.

Every girl magazine out there is telling you what you need to look like and theres something wrong with you

I like what someone said that “everything you have ever seen has been altered” so people don’t even look the way you think.

Growing, evolving and bettering yourself is great if its done in an honest, safe and loving way.

I feel the most beautiful when I make someone smile

When do you feel the most beautiful?

A Letter To 13 Year Old Me and 50 Year Old Me

Dear 13 year old Esse,

Life kinda sucks right now but it will get better I promise. I’m sorry those girls wrote you that mean letter. Everything happened for a reason, those girls would have been a bad influence on you anyways. Its okay to be alone you’re an introvert anyways.

You end up learning so much, Jesus becomes your best friend and he accepts you for who you are 10 years later you are better person that you could have ever imagined. Middle school is not forever and you don’t even see those people anymore. I love you and remember that everything happened for a reason

Dear 50 year old Esse,

I have so many questions to ask you! Where do I even begin

Did you ever get the job at that hospital?

Are you married? Do you have kids? How many? Any Grandkids?

If you got married are you still in love?

What is God doing in your life?

What kind of music do you like?

Did you ever start hiking?

Please tell me you bought a camera!

Please tell me you’ve travelled and are still traveling

Do you live in New Zealand?

Do you still listen to sermons on your iPod?

Do you have any advice for me right now?

I love you and remember everything happens for a reason.

If you wrote your old and future self a letter what would you say?